1. Own Responsibility Without Over-Apologizing
☐ Science: Research shows that excessive apologies lower perceived competence and credibility, especially in professional settings (Holmes, 1990; Anderson et al., 2012).
☐ Principle: Admit mistakes clearly, but pivot toward solutions.
☐ Scenario: You made a mistake
☐ Lack of confidence: “I’m so sorry, I messed everything up. I don’t know how I missed that.”
☐ Confident: “I made an error in the report. I’ve corrected it and will double-check future submissions to prevent this happening again.”
2. Be Transparent About Knowledge Gaps, But Show Commitment to Find Answers
☐ Science: Studies on impression management highlight that people respect honesty paired with solution-orientation more than bluffing (Owens et al., 2013).
☐ Principle: Say what you know, admit what you don’t, and signal follow-through.
☐ Scenario: You don’t know the answer
☐ Lack of confidence: “I’m not sure, maybe you should ask someone else.”
☐ Confident: “I don’t have the answer right now, but I’ll confirm the details and get back to you by the end of the day.”
3. Accept Praise Gracefully Without Deflecting
☐ Science: Deflecting praise diminishes credibility and signals insecurity, while acknowledging it enhances rapport and leadership presence (Sandberg & Sczesny, 2015).
☐ Principle: Thank, acknowledge, and share credit if appropriate.
☐ Scenario: You receive praise
☐ Lack of confidence: “Oh, it was nothing… anyone could have done it.”
☐ Confident: “Thank you, I appreciate that. I worked hard on this project, and the team’s collaboration made it possible.”
4. State Needs Clearly Without Over-Justifying
☐ Science: Research on assertiveness shows that direct but respectful communication leads to higher cooperation and perceived leadership (Ames & Flynn, 2007).
☐ Principle: Use clear, respectful statements instead of apologetic hedges.
☐ Scenario: You need to push the deadline
☐ Lack of confidence: “I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can make it, maybe I’ll try, but could I possibly get a little more time?”
☐ Confident: “Given the additional data requests, I’ll need until Wednesday to deliver a thorough report. This will ensure accuracy and completeness.”
5. Say No Firmly, While Preserving Relationships
☐ Science: Assertive refusals framed positively maintain respect and trust, while vague or defensive refusals erode credibility (DePaulo & Friedman, 1998).
☐ Principle: Offer a clear “no,” with a reason or alternative if possible.
☐ Scenario: You need to say no
☐ Lack of confidence: “Um… I guess I could try, but I’m really busy… maybe later?”
☐ Confident: “I won’t be able to take this on right now due to existing priorities. If it’s urgent, I recommend looping in Alex, who has bandwidth this week.”
6. Use “I” Statements to Show Ownership of Voice
☐ Science: “I” statements project accountability and confidence, while hedges (“maybe,” “I think”) signal uncertainty (Lakoff, 1975; Tannen, 1994).
☐ Principle: Replace hedges with direct statements of perspective.
☐ Scenario: Giving your opinion in a meeting
☐ Lack of confidence: “Maybe I’m wrong, but I kind of feel like we could consider another option.”
☐ Confident: “I recommend we consider another option because it aligns better with the client’s feedback.”
7. Use Concise, Positive Framing Instead of Negative or Tentative Phrasing
☐ Science: Positive framing enhances persuasiveness and authority perception (Kahneman & Tversky, 1984).
☐ Principle: Replace negative or self-diminishing words with constructive ones.
☐ Scenario: Asking for clarification
☐ Lack of confidence: “Sorry, I didn’t understand what you meant, could you repeat it?”
☐ Confident: “I want to make sure I understand correctly—could you clarify your last point?”
References
- Ames, D. R., & Flynn, F. J. (2007). What breaks a leader: The curvilinear relation between assertiveness and leadership. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(2), 307–324.
- Anderson, C., Srivastava, S., Beer, J. S., et al. (2012). Knowing your place: Self-perceptions of status in face-to-face groups. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(5), 995–1013.
- DePaulo, B. M., & Friedman, H. S. (1998). Nonverbal communication. In D. T. Gilbert, S. T. Fiske, & G. Lindzey (Eds.), The Handbook of Social Psychology (4th ed.).
- Holmes, J. (1990). Apologies in New Zealand English. Language in Society, 19(2), 155–199.
- Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1984). Choices, values, and frames. American Psychologist, 39(4), 341–350.
- Lakoff, R. (1975). Language and Woman’s Place. New York: Harper & Row.
- Owens, B. P., Johnson, M. D., & Mitchell, T. R. (2013). Expressed humility in organizations: Implications for performance, teams, and leadership. Organization Science, 24(5), 1517–1538.
- Sandberg, A., & Sczesny, S. (2015). Gendered modesty in impression management: An interactive model of self-promotion. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 2020.
- Tannen, D. (1994). Talking from 9 to 5: Women and men at work. New York: Avon Books.