timeless principles BACKED BY SCIENCE

Defending Your Priorities

Skills and Arts for Win-Win

Balancing your team’s workload takes skill. Exceptional leaders defend what matters most to their team while turning cross-functional requests into opportunities for collaboration.

​

1. Principled Negotiation

☐ Research: Getting to Yes — Harvard Program on Negotiation

☐ Core Principle: Focus on shared interests, not positions.

☐ Say:

“I can see why this is important to you. Our team’s current priority is [goal]. If we understand the outcome you need most, we can find a solution that fits both.”
“Let’s look at the underlying goal — what would success look like if we had limited time?”

☐ Do:

  • Ask open-ended “why” and “what” questions before stating constraints.
  • Summarize the other side’s intent before offering your own view (“So your main goal is faster client delivery, right?”).
  • Keep tone calm, neutral, and fact-based.
  • Write meeting notes focused on shared interests (e.g., “mutual goal: faster rollout”).

​

2. Influence Without Authority

☐ Research: Cohen and Bradford’s model focuses on “currencies of exchange” — identifying what matters to the other party (recognition, resources, support, information, cooperation) and trading value.

☐ Core Principle: Trade value, not power — offer options, not refusals.

☐ Say:

"“We can help if we [shift timeline / reduce scope / co-own part of it]. Which works best?”
​
“I’d love to help. Here are three ways we could do that without delaying our current deliverables: [Option A], [Option B], [Option C]. Which fits your needs best?”
​
“If we take this on, we’ll need to pause [existing project]. Would that trade-off work for your team?”

☐ Do:

  • Identify what the requester values (speed, visibility, partnership).
  • Offer flexible options with clear trade-offs.
  • Acknowledge their urgency before stating your boundary.
  • Document the decision and rationale publicly (e.g., Confluence or shared tracker).

​

3. Saying No Without Saying No

☐ Research: Studies show that reframing refusals with empathy, reasons, and alternatives preserves trust and cooperation. (Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, 2020)

☐ Core Principle: Start with empathy, explain your constraints/reasons, and end with what you can do alternatively.

☐ Say:

“I understand how important this is. Right now, our team is fully dedicated to [priority]. We could help by [reduced scope / later date / connecting with X]. How does that sound?”

☐ Do:

  • Use “I wish I could…” or “I’d love to help if…” framing.
  • Offer concrete next steps instead of vague deferrals.
  • Keep your body language open (lean forward, nod, calm tone).
  • Follow up with a summary email showing appreciation and options.

​

4. Assertiveness and Boundary

☐ Research: Research shows assertiveness (balanced with warmth) predicts leadership effectiveness and prevents burnout. Overly accommodating behaviors lower long-term performance. (Journal of Applied Psychology, Ames & Flynn, 2007)

☐ Core Principle: Be respectfully firm: protect your team’s bandwidth while signaling willingness to collaborate.

☐Say:

“If we take this on, which current project should we pause?”
​
“Right now, we don’t have capacity for full scope — but we can
commit to a smaller piece that supports your timeline.”
​
“To take this on, something else must move. Which of our current priorities should we pause?”

☐ Do:

  • Use calm, confident tone; avoid defensive explanations.
  • Maintain eye contact and relaxed posture.
  • Refer to data (capacity charts, timelines, impact).
  • Close conversations with next steps and ownership assignments.

​

5. Objective Prioritization Frameworks

☐ Research: Teams that make trade-offs visible (via RICE, OKR, or impact/effort matrices) gain cross-functional trust and reduce conflict. (RICE / OKRs / Effort-Impact Matrices, Atlassian, Intercom, Google)

☐ Core Principle: Let data, not politics, guide decisions.

☐ Say:

“Let’s evaluate this request by impact vs. effort. Based on our RICE scores, this one falls below the current top three. I’m happy to revisit next quarter.”
“Here’s our OKR alignment. If we add this, we’ll miss [Objective X]. Should we update that goal?”

☐ Do:

  • Display your priority framework during meetings.
  • Keep a visible team roadmap shared with stakeholders.
  • Use data visualization (effort/impact chart) to make trade-offs explicit.
  • Acknowledge changes transparently (“This got bumped due to higher ROI elsewhere.”).

​

6. The “Yes, If…” Technique

☐ Research: Behavioral research shows conditional “yes” statements maintain cooperation while introducing practical constraints — avoiding psychological reactance that follows a hard “no.” (Behavioral Economics / Choice Architecture, Thaler & Sunstein, 2008)

☐ Core Principle: Replace hard “no” with conditional “yes.”

☐ Say:

“Yes, we can take that on if we get an extra designer for two weeks.”
“Yes, if we push the launch date by one sprint.”

☐ Do:

  • Replace “No, we can’t” with “Yes, if…” or “We can, provided…”
  • Deliver the conditional statement calmly and immediately.
  • Note conditions in writing to ensure shared understanding.
  • Reinforce that you’re on the same team (“We both want to succeed on this project.”).

​

7. Psychological Safety

☐ Research: Psychological safety enables honest discussions about limits without fear of backlash. Teams with it outperform because they can challenge priorities openly. (Amy Edmondson, Harvard Business School, 1999–present)

☐ Core Principle: Foster a culture where saying “not now” or “we’re at capacity” is viewed as responsible, not resistant.

☐ Say:

“To deliver with quality, we need to set a realistic timeline. I want to be transparent about our limits so we don’t overpromise.”
“Let’s align together on what success looks like, so we can commit confidently.”

☐ Do:

  • Model openness and appreciation
  • Thank team members for raising risks
  • Normalize respectful pushback

​

​

Sign up for Timeless Tools

I'm Jenny Wang, a Professional Coach. I’m hired by multi-cultural leaders who value themselves and their people but are battling challenges like bias, conflict, and change fatigue. Together, we tailor a mindful leadership path no one else could define for them so they and their team can thrive even amid uncertainty.

Many of my clients subscribe to these tools to keep their progress simple and consistent—feel free to do the same if it’s useful for you.

    We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at any time.

    Be the leader you want to follow.

    Have a burning question?

    ​